OF HEROES AND VILLAINS

Your left to right sense is my right to left sense. I am identical but reversed. I am a reflection and an image. I am the keeper of your dirty little secrets. Of all the skeletons in your closet, I am the villain to your hero.

Good morning to our very own mundane puppet existence. The strings of our doings which play into the hands of those who dictate our being. The hero on the outside that smiles through the ceremonial attire and the villain that curses and strives hard for that nod and a word of appreciation in singularity if nothing else. When efforts don’t equate the pecuniary and the demi god of black leather sips on hot coffee, it brews a devil in the secondary.

They call it make believe. To not make it look like either you are buttering them up or in total remote contrast; the villain in your head masters the art of compliance and difference at the same time in such a tasteful manner that it validates the context and content; only you know how much of it and what is true as your hero on the outside smiles and nods. Acceptance of people through the approval of their ego and thick heads comes across only when they feel that there is a level of concurrence. Welcome to the fairy tale of slogging; superficial compliance which will look you through.

Ambitious:  Greed for the superlative? Or its perks? Or the aura associated with that designation? Or the work? Or the 6 figure green? Or the sense of power? All of it or none of it?

Ambition rises out of desire and too great and strong a desire leads to greed.

It needs no mandate.

 It doesn’t need to be spelt out.

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger: ambition or greed.

Either way, your hero might be just a hero to you, not to me.

Maybe. Maybe not.

Complementary.

Harmonizing.

Corresponding.

Balanced.

Cause of a simple reason that nothing exists in isolation.

Would  batman be BATMAN if there was no joker?

SHANTARAM...

I would actually agree to all the words of exaggerated praise you find in the beginning and at the end of books for this particular novel “shantaram”..you read a few pages and you can find some analogies to be so true and justified that you can’t read ahead till the time what you read sinks in…and some particular excerpts..

“when the wish and the fear are exactly the same, he said, we call the dream a nightmare”

“and the choice you make between hating and forgiving can become the story of your life”

“but in the flinch and the bite of the chain, when it’s all you got, that freedom is a universe of possibility”

“but some feelings sink so deep into the heart that only loneliness can help you find them again. Some truths about yourself are so painful that only shame can help you live with them. And some things are just so sad that only your soul can do the crying for you”

“the worst thing about corruption as a system of governance, Didier once said, is that it works so well”

VORACITY

 Downpour of thoughts, material and verdicts,

On the thirsty earth, the parched mind,

But brimming with beliefs, possessions and reasons,

Still this scorching existence asks for more.

Is this my greed to survive,

Or to move with the currents of life.

Is my endurance being selfish,

Or am I living for others?

Hypnotized and charmed,

By this enthralling subsistence.

FORGIVENESS

Every breath I take, every second I live,

Every choice I contemplate, every wish I make,

It reflects what I am, I was and will be.

Always going down that memory lane,

Brimming with those childish swears,

Crammed with overwhelming emotions,

Packed with broken promises,

Overcrowded with reminiscences.

The past eclipses my present,

Strangled in the times of yore,

Choked with regrets and errors,

I find it hard to move on.

My innovation and vision seem to have lost,

Lost the ways in thick mist of confusion.

I stand in front of the fork of this path,

Two choices to decide the next,

To fall back on regrets or to start afresh.

Hesitate to try the latter, live in the former,

But that’s where we go wrong,

It is our actions and thoughts,

Which formulate opportunities and circumstances,

It is we who feel disheartened when things don’t come our way.

If we can forgive others for their mistakes done onto us,

Then why do we make it hard for us to live with ourselves,

Why don’t we forgive ourselves?

ONE PAISA PER SECOND

I could have titled this article as the “GOD OF SMALL THINGS” too on a second note...but decided against it cause I felt one paisa per second would give more edge and yes some bit of requisite attention...it is just a small note on the eternal bliss and immense victory that we enjoy on our smallest of victories on the smallest of savings in our dire monetary circumstances...which are overrated and underrated at the same time; overrated cause of the tendency to repeatedly hype it out by being too verbose about the same to every person every now indirectly trying to portray one’s oh so smartness and then and underrated cause so much of it goes unnoticed...the first instance with respect to the title itself...the one paisa per second call rate isn’t apparently visible in the balance when it’s at a soaring 60...yes 60 is soaring for people like me...it’s when the binary turns to singularity and is literally dragged to the last breath of getting into decimal...this is the “point” when we feel we have had the biggest feat in days...and yes we do know that secretly in our head that all those calls in the last leg of our balance weren’t even for more than 10 seconds...and thus it’s one paisa per second that is a saving grace for our wireless social contact...another “phony” case can be that of the 20000 messages which are a herculean task in themselves and just takes 90 bucks of your pocket in a month and you are “literally” in touch with people...also illustrating peanuts and popcorn, it’s so marvellous to get so much in just 5 bucks and in 10 you have the world in your hands...if all was to come for so much I wouldn’t see the right side of the menu card.. (although eventually I do order seeing the left side cause I can’t be bad to myself)...the best and the tastiest meal I have had so far have to be the legendary chole kulche : 3 kulche and chole at just 10 bucks...happiness for your tongue and money..u order the same at a restaurant and you get chole with 2 pseudo kulchas: pizza bases with 3-6 crumpled leaves of coriander at some 50 plus rate...another illustration coming from the same side of the story cause I am so in love with food and the wonders it does for my taste buds and later for my body..the huge variety and the n number of dishes we order when we go out as a group as if it’s been ages since we ingested a thing called food...the bill followed which brings in more exclamations “did we eat so much for real?” and  then thanks to the person who devised a mathematical thing called division which brings back our smiles and a thought reversal “that’s it??...we can come here again na..”....not to forget the treats...extremely pretty...it’s all on the house...going dutch is the most amazing joy when it comes to shopping, eating and travelling... “each one to his own”....and all this came to my head as I sipped on the froth of my coffee which is topped with chocolate powder in a nice big thermocol glass and the view of moving lights in the night....at just 10 bucks..

THE “INSIDE” STORY

What arose from a general conversation of diverse experiences of introspecting why who did what and till what extent...there were interesting reactions which actually co realte to how we reassure ourselves and justify our actions to ourselves to make it all so cool and easy in the “sex”ual realm...no matter how hard we try to portray ourselves as the uber chic and broad minded thinking our minds are still ruled by the question on purity and pollution....the case of virginity??!!..
Is the degree of intimacy so strong a factor that makes sex so hush a thing and a kiss not so personal as the former...coz maybe it’s the closest you can get to person physically...funny enough when people are so comfortable to have oral sex with each other they often don’t have the traditional sex as a taboo and not to be done before marriage...why the guilt then which is stated as one doesn’t want to be unfaithful to whoever they settle for, you are obvioulsy not cheating or double dating someone....in all probabilities sex has the dramatic effect of fluctuating between spot light and lime light..the societal hype..all the credentials of being sacred and pure or simply an act of procreation and nothing to do with the art of love making...or the fact that you want it to be special, what guarantee that the person you are doing it with is the best for you cause obviously you are with a person when you think that a person is worth you and for obvious reasons it can change with time and circumstances...if deduced, it’s merely a process which starts with a kiss where you extensively and exclusively use your tongue and ends with sex where you use your respective reproductive equipment for pleasure and procreation...so if biologically speaking what’s the big deal...
It doesn’t boil down to random sleeping around and indulging in universal whoreness and going all the way with each and every person you date but merely not blowing sex out of proportion to which we superficially despise and secretly we all have been there and done that...let sex too have a breath of fresh air..i personally feel that sex stemming with all it’s passion and fire and love ultimately turns into a horny act and why wouldn’t it...that is one of it’s objectives and is a prime physiological need and that’s the way it’s satiated...and a kiss and a hug is yet more personal and tender and loving cause that’s where the turn on begins and doesn’t end...
(this all comparison arose from an incident i was told of where the guy felt guilty of having sex but not going all the way down to third base...who is thinking like a woman now??..heheheh...:)

MY BEST CLOTHES....

When you break up or a long prolonged fight with someone close to you comes to an end (you did know how it would eventually end, but the smart ass inside you never believed that and hence the shock....how could that?...) or you are let down by a very close friend of yours (that dismal and pain is worse than menstrual cramps..) it’s like suddenly the best clothes of your wardrobe have gone missing and you don’t know how to replace them and from where will you get the same pieces or whether you will get your size or not...and post this eventful moment which you give grave importance at that very second (yes...after some while you won’t give a damn about it and probably be at peace with yourself and be busy smoking in the alley or drinking beer or sitting at the edge of a pavement and sip on coffee and see the traffic and the night lights..yes i do that very often...) you would end up in a “shopping spree” that is when you go “hunting” for someone potentially worth you and try to find the same little black dress that once made you look pretty. Your impulsiveness will make everything look great and you will feel all optimistic and bright about putting back your life only to realize a little later that either you have outgrown your size or you have lost some pounds or the fabric doesn’t suit you or a part of the stitching just gave away and you end up “dumping” the garment...and if you don’t go the shopping spree way you become one of those people who have a live cautionary ticker on their tongue all time and go on alerting people about the implications of disappointment of your lost “best clothes” and maybe never go for your special best clothes again...in both the instances of impulse and judgement you are no more than a stranger to yourself and  clueless beyond anything you have been...so best is to try newer trends and put back your best wardrobe with a better uber coolness and sense and never go shopping with the intention of shopping specifics cause it's like a rule or a law of nature that if you go with an intended pre decided list of shopping in your head you never get what you want....